It's my party and I'll cry if I want to

Well, I thought it would take me a little longer than my first presentation at SES Day to cry. But cry I did. I was invited to confront my own vulnerability with the committee I was presenting to and I wasn't going into that easily. However, I was extremely proud of my ability to move toward that during the hour. I was also amazed at the fact that this is what they wanted from me. In what other profession is the invitation to vulnerability and the willingness to accept it a mark of professionalism. It is a very strange concept indeed.

As I reflect on my own struggles with vulnerability, I realize that my struggle seems related to intimacy. I fear intimacy with God and others as this dependence seems like weakness. Bonhoeffer states that all relationship in Christian community occurs "in and through Jesus Christ." If this is so, the only way to fully become a part of community, to be intimate with others, is through the embrace of vulnerability just as Christ embraced his vulnerability in order to fully be in relationship with us. Interestingly, this can't be if Christ "had to" be vulnerable. This only works if God "chooses to." Rahner calls God the "context of being." God is wholly other. This is different than Process Theology that says that God is interdependent upon creation. Rahner seems to think that God's Love is only understood fully if one realizes that God doesn't "need" to be in relationship with us, but chooses to be with us and does so in the most vulnerable way possible. This requires a level of intimacy that is salvific and one God chooses for us. And if this is true, it is the basis of Chrisitian community, not in an ideal way, but in a way that is always open to Christ.

For me, this helps understand the need for vulnerability. It is not just for the sake of vulnerability, but for the sake of Christ. It is the power of Christian community and Christian community, as Bonhoeffer states, is the Body of Christ and keeps the incarnation a very real presence in the world. It remains the "context" in which all things remain.

So, I cried. I grew. I moved. I am closer to understanding the power and grace of intimacy in Christian community. And, in so doing, a bit closer to really embracing this vulnerability I see as so valuable theologically.