A Prophecy and Other Delightful Things

A couple of years ago I had a bird land on my shoulder and stay for a while. He was just hanging out. At the time, many people said to me that it was an omen. A sign from God. What I wondered was what was it a sign of. Was it a good omen or a bad one? I'm not all that into omens to begin with, but the event was weird and rare enough that I wondered if there was a thought out there. My research turned up that a bird landing on you was a sign that you were going to die soon. Delightful.

Today while I'm visiting patients in the IMCU, I encounter a patient that states to me, "Why have you given up?" I was taken aback to say the least. Rarely at a loss for words, this time I was. I was rattled a bit for sure. I sought clarification on her statement. She tells me that my wife (whom I had not mentioned in our conversation) is meant for great things and will learn to live without me. My destiny is to prepare my kids to live without me. I can buy five more years by accepting the nurturing of my parents or I can continue to believe they are dragging me into the grave with them and die soon and leave my children without my love.

Was I just told in the context of a pastoral care visit that I am going to die soon and need to get ready? My sense is that she believes herself to be a psychic and was giving me helpful advice, and perhaps she is, even if I am not dying soon. Shouldn't I always be giving my kids the spiritual and emotional tools to live without me?

Not my best pastoral care work. I could have explored more about what this was about for her and what she was needing to tell me, but I just wanted to get the hell out of there. Perhaps what scares me is that she might be right. Maybe I have surrendered to a reality I envision for myself in ways I'm not fully aware of.

My meditation today focused on asking God for what we need. Like a parent knowing not to give a rock when our child asks for bread. God gives us so much more if only we ask. I never ask for anything in prayer. Maybe it is because I have given up. Maybe I have abandoned the notion God works that way. Or, maybe it is because I understand that I am responsible for answering my own prayers. Maybe I could begin a practice of asking for what I need. Maybe what I need is to know that for whatever time I have is time well spent with those I love. So, that is what I ask, not for more time. I will have what I will have. I just want what I have to be well spent. Amen.