Pain

Pain.

It does something to you. Chronic pain, with which I am familiar is a constant companion. It is always the passenger on this journey that is always with you, even when it is not. It can alter your plan, your day, your view, your choices, but you so badly want it to just take a back seat. It always wants to ride shotgun. You can dull it, ignore it, accept it, live with it, but it always seems to have a word, though you never want it to be the last word. It is a part of you but hopefully never what defines you. I mean, who wants to be a pain. Pain sucks.

Then, there is acute pain. It jumps on you like a rabid monkey. It is something you try so hard to get away from. You will do anything to stop it. Relief is so good.

Now. Right now. My life is dictated by both parts and sides of pain.

Right now, though I deny it even to my self, I am in pain. This is my confessional. I come before you admitting the pain. My chest hurts, my head hurts, my gut hurts. Most of all, at the moment, is that my spirit hurts. I'm tired of hurting. I feel a deeper pain creeping in. A sadness that goes into my bones, my soul. The pain, this constant companion, seems to have taking roots beyond my body and into my spirit. I don't want it there. I don't know where else to go. So, I go to God. That is all I know to do. It is all I can do.

God, I am in pain.