A Christmas Blessing

As a man, I can have no knowledge of what the miracle and pain of birth feels like. Yet, as the moment of the Christian calendar arrives in which I will once again celebrate the birth of God with us, I can't help but think of the ways in which all of us are called to create beauty out of our pain.

Today, for instance, has had a large amount of pain for me. I am suffering in ways I have never experienced. Yet, as I write about my pilgrimage in C.P.E. I am aware of how difficult and painful it is to write about my current journey. I do not yet have perspective. I am still in the midst of the labor pains and have not yet had the joy or satisfaction of holding the newborn, the beautiful creation I am birthing. This is not to say that my suffering is so that I might birth something beautiful into my life. Rather, my suffering is life as it is and my choices are to birth something beautiful through the pain of my suffering or to become victimized by it and allow a part, or all, of me die in the process. I choose to find beauty in this.

Christmas, the nativity, is not all happiness and lights. A young unmarried woman must still go through the process of birth in less than ideal conditions in less than ideal times. I imagine the first Christmas morning was far less romantic than sitting around a fireplace with tinsel and garland, egg nog and hot cocoa. No, the night of Jesus' birth was one filled with pain, fear and uncertainty. Even the joy of holding the newborn was probably tempered by the harsh realities of the political atmosphere, financial hardships and social taboos. I suppose this is what makes the Story of Emanuel so wonderful. I guess as I suffer, I need to know that life can come forth from such pain. I guess I need to know that suffering can some how be redeemed.

I do not believe that God caused my suffering or my pain, at least not directly. I suppose, ultimately, God is responsible for the fabric of life in which my self resides in which pain and suffering is a natural consequence. But I do not believe God willed my Crohn's Disease. I do however believe that God wills new life and salvation to come out of the most obscure and unlikely of situations. The birth of our savior in Bethlehem is a Story that proves that. So, as I struggle in my pain and struggle to understand my life in the midst of that, I am comforted knowing that this Christmas, I have a deeper and fuller understanding of Emanuel, God with us, than I ever have before. I see my whole life in a deeper and more fulfilling way despite the pain and in some ways because of it.

So I, have a birthing process of my own. It has its own pain naturally associated with that, but it also has the most profound potentiality for beauty in my life at the moment. I am excited to hold that in my loving arms. It is loving and holding God, for sure, but it is also loving and holding myself.

Merry Christmas!